Mom...how I miss you each and everyday. Times have been tough for me and my family. Christmas is never the same without you. I miss your laughs teases planning your cooking but especially your love for us all. We tend to get by and enjoy ourselves and each year when I go down we are all happy enjoying ourselves together but it is not the same without you. I know you would want us to be happy and we are...lonely but happy. You are just a person that will never be forgotten. You brought me up to be a strong person and I believe that is what I am. I have my hard sad moments alone but I get through things. That is my job as a mother to be there for my girls and be strong for them. Kalina is such a bright independent girl. She is doing well in college and talks about you yet. I am so proud of her. Kristi is still athletic and enjoying life. She talks about you at times also. One thing you taught my girls when I was there is to be strong like you taught me. And they are which makes me proud of them. I miss you coming to my house for Thanksgiving..those were happy and fun memories I have of the time we got to spend together. Those I will cherish forever. Ricky misses you also but doesn't talk much about things. I know deep down he misses Randy but never speaks about him either. That is just the way he is. Losing you Grams and Randy were tough for us. But we are surviving and I know you are still with us yet spiritually. You are a person I will never forget and always keep my joyful thoughts and memories of us spending time together.
Needing Your Help / Jackie (Daughter)
Mom I was thinking how very much we always need you. It's so hard going on in life without you. Nobody really knows how much you did for our family. I was in Church on Sunday and the priest said that we can ask loved ones in Heaven for help in answering our prayers well momma I need you again. I need you for strength. I need you to ask God to watch over my family and keep us safe and healthy. I know that is probably selfish but I have to say those are the ones I love the most. Mom you were always there when I had a problem and now I have no one. YOu could always always make things right. I felt safe knowing you always had my back. Well momma I still need you. It's hard being a mom. I'm trying to be like you mom but it's hard. Uncle Frank's daughter is very sick mom and he needs you right now. Please watch over him and Aunty Jeanette. If Brenda joins you please take care of her for him. Also one of Mandy's dear friends is very sick and a young man please momma help him get better. Mom watch over Madison keep her safe always. Watch over Mandy too. Let her make good choices. I love you and miss you more than you'll ever know. Watch over Kalina I think she needs you too. I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH MOMMA - JACKIE Close
Think of you..always :) / Kalina McCloud (Grandddaughter)Read >>
Think of you..always :) / Kalina McCloud (Grandddaughter)
Grandma...where to start? Sometimes I think God may have taken you away from us so we could learn to work things out for ourselves. I remember how you were always the first person I called with a problem and now I have to work things out on my own. Which is good..but annoying. It seems like everyone around me is fighting these days and you know more than anyone how much I hate conflict. It's just so hard knowing that your not a phone call away anymore. I'm finally growing up and your not here to see me do that like I'd always hoped you would be. I'm on my own two feet now and it gets harder everyday. I know you would tell me that it will make me stronger and that I'd appreciate one. I hope one day I can be half as strong as you were just shrug off the bad and find the good something you seemed to do effortlessly. I know I need to learn to just let some things go and look at all the good things I have in life but as most things in life are that's easier said than done. I just need to keep telling myself what you always told me "Life is tough but I am tougher" I'll try to be grandma I really will. I love you!! and I miss you each and everyday!! Take care of Uncle Randy up there :)
ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS... / Your Oldest (Daughter)Read >>
ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS... / Your Oldest (Daughter)
Hi Mom...I think of you daily and it's hard for me to visit this site because it makes me lonesome. I thought of you all weekend, so what else is new? We had Auntie Gaylene and Uncle Linus' anniversary...that was hard. At first I thought oh well, this is finally something happy, but then when we went to the hall to work, I missed you so much. I could see you every place. I could feel you and it made me so lonesome. The hardest day of the year is not our birthdays but Mother's Day. Mother's Day without you is unbearable. I too never told you thank you often enough. I tried to show you at times how much I loved you and I hope you always knew just how precious you were to me. I look in the mirror everyday and I see you...the older I get the more I see you in me. I wish my heart was like yours too. I try Mom, but I can never replace you. Its just me and Bruce now. Life is good, but retirement is coming and remember all our plans? We planned to go on excursions, just you and me...two old retired ladies and now you left me... The closer it gets to retirement, the more I miss you and all our plans. I try to be strong Mom, cuz I know you were, but it's so hard to go on without you. I never thought I could go on without you but I have. I'm proud of myself for doing that. I'm strong and I'm tough, you taught me that. Please, please, please help me to be strong. To be able to go on without you. Remember how I used to sign all my messages to you? Well, here I go again, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, I LOVE YOU, RAYLENE - XOXO Close
hey grams i have been missing you so much there has been so many changes happen i think to much for me to handle. its just so hard without you here. to me our family is kinda spliting up and its hurtin me so with all the changes. i keep saying grandmas gunna fix everything i know you will your hear for all of us. i know that you protected aunty raylenes house when the tornado hit and i know you protected me and madison when we took off to grandpas haha i think that tornado was a F4 grandma haha and you of all people know how scared i am of tornados i know it was you who gave me the courage to just whip up my little sister and take off without shoes and madison in her blummers haha i bet you were laughing at us. thank you for all you do for this family you make our family so strong. even if we just think of you are hearts fill back with love that you have given us. you are the greatest grandma anyone could ask for and i am so happy i got to spend all that time with you. i wish i could ask for the same with madison. i still wish you could have been here longer grams i so wanted you to watch me graduate go to prom and walk down the aile hah but im sure you will do/did from heaven..i just wanted to let you know i miss you, love you and i want you to know your the greatest person ever
Just Because I Forgot / Jackie (Daugher)
Mom I too find comfort coming here and talking with you. I guess this is our way to communicate with you. I too hope you read these in heaven and think about us too. Alot is going on right now in my life and I wish you were here to help or just to be with. I alway say help, isn't it strange how very much you helped all of us and we never said thank you for that. For that Mom I am sorry. I just forgot. All you did for me and I never thanked you. All the nights you got up and came over here to watch Mandy, so I could go in for matron duty. Sometimes 3 or 4 in the morning. I am so sorry for not thanking you for all you have done for all of us. For all the help you gave especially me, being the single parent. I thank you for that. I hope all people who still have their mothers and if they read this to please I beg of you, thank her and love her with all your heart, because one day the good Lord can call her home and you have so much to say, like thank you. I know you loved me mom, I just wish I would have done things differently. I should have done so much more for you. I do however cherish all the good times we had. The time that rings a bell for me is the time you and I went to Minot and we spent the day Christmas shopping and bought a very heavy computer desk and it was like 30 below and we carried it in my house and almost died, we laughed and laughed. I wish we could laugh again mom, together. Then after that we went to your house and had our drinky poos and laughed at Uncle Ducksie when he came home offet. I remember all these times mom. Remember when I had Mandy and you were the only one with me, the only one mom, did I thank you for that, no. Sorry. You stayed with me the whole time. I looked up at you and I said mom I can't do this and you cried. Mom I just forgot. Forgive me. I know you loved us all so very much mom. It's just hard to think about all you did and we didn't get to tell you thanks. I guess what I'm saying is I just forgot and I love you very very much and I miss you tremendously. My heart is still heavy at times. I know what your saying because that's the kind of mother you were, you would say don't be so hard on yourself my baby. Just take good care of those babies for me. So that's what I am going to do and dad too okay mom. I'm sorry mom, I just forgot. Love you thinking of you each and every day, Your second, Jackie Close
"I was just wishing for you..." / Raylene
Mom, today like everyday, I wish for you. I wish to see your face, to touch your hands, just to feel your presence. Graduation was so hard without you. I tried to take your place but none of us could ever fill your shoes or take your place in our hearts. You don't have to worry about us Mom, we're doing good, not great but good. We still wish for you on a daily basis, but we're survivors, you taught us that! Dad is still a challenge, but he's doing a lot better than we ever expected. Jackie and I have pretty much split your duties (she more than I), I pick-up and mail Lisa her pills, Jackie pretty much takes care of Dad's daily needs, and Lisa, she is our baby. Before she was just yours, but now she's ours too. We take good care of each other...we try anyway. I miss your beans, but mostly I miss the "after effects", remember how we'd laugh! You were always the worst one. I miss our little get aways to Spirit Lake and to your reunions. That was always our best family times because it was just us. I wish you were here to enjoy life's little pleasures. Like yesterday, Bruce and I went to Tucker's first t-ball game. We laughed so hard and I was thinking of you the whole time. I would have picked you up and you would have come with us on that little excursion. You would have enjoyed seeing him in action and I would have enjoyed your company. We never got to experience these "boy" things because of all our girls. My girls are at odds right now and I wish I could call you and ask your advice. You were always so honest with me, that's what I miss. If I talk to Bruce, he always sticks up for me, no matter what. You were honest and chewed me out when I needed it. I miss that... Every where I go I think of you, last week I was in Kansas and I was thinking, if Mom was here, I would have taken her with me. Well Mom, guess I better go, sometimes I just need to come to this site and/or jot something down, because it gives me comfort. I like to think that you are reading these in heaven and are thinking about me too... Kiss Grams, Papa and Uncle Mike for me! I hope you and Uncle Ducksie are having some good fights! Are you enjoying some of Grandma Belgarde's pies? I can just see Grandpa Belgarde singing "The Battle of New Orleans" to me! It gives me comfort to know that you are not alone. As always and forever, I love you. Close
Mom--Well, Kalina graduated on Sunday. My baby girl is growing up so fast. Wish you could of been here to watch her at graduation. We are so proud of her. She gave a beautiful speech and I broke in tears listening to her. She was thankful to many people and talked about me and Rick and what great parents we have been. I was thinking--"hey, that's how mom raised me so I must have done a good job raising her". She did a great job. I practically cried throughout the week just thinking of her walking to receive that diploma. I had a lot of help during the graduation from our families and that meant a lot to us. Raylens, Audrey, and Tucker were here and I about cried when they left. Kent, Debbie, and Rick's family were here too and that also meant a lot to me. They were a big help. It has been tough at times for us at times like this when you can't be here during these special times. But I know spiritually you were there watching my girl during her special time at graduation. I am also so proud of Mandy and wish I could have been there for hers. My only godchild and yet I couldn't make it due to Kalina's. She understands I know though. I am so proud of her also. Kalina made a memorial sign for you and Randy at our open house. I thought that was the nicest thing ever. She is sure growing mom. Once she goes to college this fall I will be so lonely I won't know what to do. Surely I will miss my little girl. Rick feels the same and also wished you and Randy could have been here to celebrate with us. He has been doing good during these rough times--better than me. You have been a great and loving mother throughout my life and I miss talking and crying to you. Even though you are not here I know you are listening to me and that helps me get through things knowing spiritually you are here mom. I love you mom...
Graduation/ Jackie Davis (Daughter)
Well mom your two little girls graduated yesterday. I'm sure you were in both places and were very proud. I am getting ready for my big meal. Mandy looked so beautiful yesterday mom. She was an honor student and you would have been extremely proud of her. I was so so so proud. She sang a song with all the senior girls who are in choir. She was beautiful. You helped me raise her mom. I thank you for that. I'm sorry I never got the chance to thank you for all you have ever done for me. You were always there when I needed you. When I had problems with Mandy, you were there to advise she or I, whoever at the time needed you. Mom my baby graduated and I am so sad. Sad that she is a going to be leaving me. We've never been apart and I am having a hard time with that. Help me mom. Help me to be strong, just like you!!! I want to be just like you. Watch over us today mom. Make sure I have enough food, ha ha. I love you more!!!! Thank you also for keeping Mandy safe last night. Close
Miss You Grams!! / Kalina McCloud (Granddaughter)Read >>
Miss You Grams!! / Kalina McCloud (Granddaughter)
Grandma,
I've been so on edge lately. It kind of feels like I can't talk to anyone. Its really hard and I know its making it hard for mom and dad. I remember when I used to call you when i'd get in these moods and now I don't have anyone to call. I just don't know whats wrong or how to work it out. You always had all the answers and i don't know...I guess I wasn't done needing you. Now I don't have a choice but to figure things out for myself. I just wish you were here to see me graduate. I get to give a speech at graduation...i'm sure you'll hear it since you'll be watching over me like you always do. Maybe once i graduate and school is out i'll have a little time to unwind and relax then I won't be such a pain anymore. I just wish I had someone to talk to or that I had at least one ounce of the strength you had. I just miss you so much right now and i don't know how many times i've cried myself to sleep thinking about you. Even to this day it feels like you'll knock on the door any minute and be standing right there. As happy as i know you are right now i just wish you were still here...as selfish as that sounds. I hope your taking care of Uncle Randy and i'm sure you two have already had a few good laughs. I just want you to know that I miss you and I'll try to stay strong for you. I love you grandma and miss you more than you'll ever know *muah*
MISSING YOU AGAIN / Jackie (Daughter)
Mom, it's Saturday afternoon and all is quite in our house. Mark is working, Mandy & Madison are taking naps and I am missing you so much again. Last night I was at your house washing clothes and things for dad and I was so lonesome for you. I remember the time you and I had our little drinks on a Friday night in December and we were laughing at Uncle Ducksie. That made me miss you so much mom. Madison feels so comfortable in your house. She just loves going over there and watching TV. I wore your slippers. Mom if only I could turn back time. I would have been so much nicer to you. I remember all the times Mark wanted to go over and I said no. I would love now to go over there and see you. I would have and I should have spent more time with you. I guess I've learned from my mistakes and I keep telling myself I'm not going to do that to Dad. But it gets hard at times. He's so demanding and set in his ways. But mom I'm trying and I know your proud of me. Mom I wish you could see us now. Mandy is such a good girl. I always get mad at her for little things, but I am so fortunite she is a good girl. I need to count my blessings. Madison is wonderful too. She is getting big and understands everything, I forget sometimes that she understands. You and she would be good friends. Mom help us with Day Care we are having some problems with Madison getting hurt at Day Care. We are working on these things, but I need your help mom. Watch over her when we aren't there, okay mom. Mom I love you and wish so badly I could talk to you, but this is my way to communicate with you. I will continue to look for the good in people, just like you taught me too. Know that each and everyday does get a little easier for us, but the whole in my heart is still there. I think it will be there forever. I love you dearly and miss you more!!! Your second, Jackie. P.S. Mom watch over Uncle Bill and Becky Lenoir. Close
He Grandma you don't know how much i miss you right now its been really hard without you here, I know your shining down watchin over me like you always do but..my heart still hurts all the time thanks for helping me and mom get along alot more we are gettin closer makes me feel happy, I miss goin over there and telling you all the things that were goin on in my life and us just talking. Yesterday I was driving home and it was kinda dark and I saw this van and it was blue just like yours and without even thinking I was like there is grandma I wonder where she is goin this late but then I relized what I had just thought about, I start to think about you even more and I got sad, but i knew you were watching me and prolly laughing because you already knew the van just look blue from and far distance and it was really white yah but I really miss you and I know mom dad and madison does, I still wish everyday that you would be here to see me graduate and get married, Please grandma help me to be a good person and help me so Im not so mean to Alvin..i can be mean sometimes and i can't be that way help me to be a better person like you. YOU are my hero and my angel now
hi/ Pog
Hi grams bear, Tucker and I miss you so much. I wish so bad sometimes that you would come and find me at the hospital when you were there for an appointment or to pick up medicine. I also wish that you could come over and cook Chris rice soup. Chelsea and I danced to our (you and I) song last night "Precious to Me". I love you so much and still need your guidance a lot. Please try to look out for me and help me to be a good person. I also need for you to always help to keep an eye on Tucker when I'm not there because he is my world. love always, precious Close
Memories/ Raylene (Oldest Daughter )
Mom, the holidays are over and we survived. The girls and I tried to make things nice just like you used to. This year was especially hard on Dad...Jackie and I talked to him for over an hour each on Christmas night. He's better now, I talked to him yesterday and he was excited about coming to the ball games here this weekend in our new school. Last year was our 1st Christmas without you but this one felt like the first...everything happened so fast last year, we didn't even remember Christmas last year. This past weekend I went to Devils Lake with Pog, it was so hard to eat at Taco Johns...I could still see you and I sitting there sharing our nachos, on our way for one of our "excursions" to the casino. Remember how excited we were? I have many, many, many good memories of our time together there, this is what keeps me going, but I still miss you so much it hurts. I hope you know in your heart how much you meant to me. Thank you for being the best mother in the whole world, I try everyday to be just like you. Help me to be strong Mom. I try so hard to be tough for everybody, but deep down...I feel this big hole in my heart. Love and kisses, "Your Raylene" Close
When I see combines in grain fields remembering the harvest times that we worked together driving our grain trucks,
When I look at my flower bed remembering the flowers you helped me plant and taught me to care for,
When I hear the song, "Just Remember I Love You" and remember all the TEC's we made together witnessing the Holy Spirit's effect in so many young persons' lives,
When I see my brother with sadness in his eyes,
When I see your girls trying their best to go on with only their memories of you to comfort them,
When I see your grandchildren and know how proud you'd be of them,
When something really, really good or really, really bad happens and you are the first one I think to call. You left us so quickly, it seems sometimes that you are still here. (You are probably are!)
These are just a few of the times you are in my thoughts. Know that you were loved by each of us in our family.
It is really tough these days that are getting closer to Christmas. Christmas was your favorite time of year. We went over to your house this morning and did the usual, washed dads clothes, water your plants etc. and I was telling Mark how much you would have enjoyed this time. You would be sitting there with your house all decorated, waiting for Lisa and Ricky to arrive. Oh how I wish you were sitting on your chair waiting for us to come over. Dad doesn't have the house decorated like you did, but it does look somewhat like Christmas. He doesn't really care about that stuff like you did. We try to understand, but it isn't the same. That is something we have to live with now. I wanted you to know that my kids are doing much better this year. Because we are trying to have a normal Christmas, if you can call it that (without you). Mandy is all excited doing our baking and wrapping gifts. Madison is trying to be good for Santa. I just love that. Mom I miss you terrible. Please help me not worry so much. I want to have a normal life like everybody else. I want to enjoy life again. When will that happen? Please watch over us and guide us and protect us. Mom keep us safe and healthy. Watch over my children. Remember I love you more than you'll ever know. Help us have a wonderful Christmas. I will try to make it special just like you did. Give Grandma a big kiss for me. MERRY CHRISTMAS MY MOMMA!!!! Close
Miss and Love You Grandma!! / Kristi McCloud (Granddaughter)Read >>
Miss and Love You Grandma!! / Kristi McCloud (Granddaughter)
Hi Grandma...I miss and love you so much. I'm missing you today. Today im having my birthday party for my birthday which is on the 7th. Wish you could be here. The holidays are going to be hard...but i think we can pull through it. I miss all those times when you came to Milnor. It'll never be the same without you Grandma. I love you sooo sooo much!!
love u / Baby-K Brunelle (Grandson)
Hi grandma i miss u not a day goes by that i dont think of u, i remeber the times u would be there when anybody needed u , u were there with love and support. i miss u and love u forever and always. thanks for wathing over me and my parents, brothers and sisters u will always be loved by all of us
I haven't written here before today, but I feel I need healing today. Mom the Holidays are coming up and it is getting extremely hard for us girls. We are all struggling through this time, because this is about the time you started getting sick last year. Last year right before Christmas the good Lord took you home. We hadn't even finished our Christmas shopping. This year I'm anxious for Christmas but also sad because you won't be with us again. I always loved Christmas so very much. I know I have to get into it soon as my kids need to have a better Christmas than last year. But I (we) need your help. So many times I want to pick up the phone a call you, especially when I had a bad day at work or something comes up with the kids. Or when they are sick. You were always always there for us when either we were sick or when they were sick. Mandy will soon be graduating and I wish so badly you could have seen her on that day. I know you would be so proud of her. Mom she is beautiful. We still have our little disagreements, but I am truly proud of her in every way. And Madison is getting so big. You use to call her my little lovey. Now I notice myself calling her that. Mom I hope you can see these, because I want you to know how very much I miss you and how very much I love you. Dad is doing okay. He misses you so very much. I (we) are trying to take care of him as best we can, but it's hard at times. I promised you I would take care of him and I will. Mark misses you too so much mom. He talks about you often. You and he were so very close. We plan to get married shortly and I know in my heart you will be smiling, cause you wanted that so badly. I love you with all my heart and will write again when I need you close. Your second, Jackie
Miss You Mom / Lisa McCloud (daughter)
Mom: Every day is a new day and has been a struggle for me without you. I miss you so much there are times I don't know what to do. You were always there when I needed someone to talk to and now I feel at times I am alone. Raylene, Jackie and I have grown closer throughout these times. There are many times when I sit and think about all the fun times we had when you would come and visit us in Milnor. This Thanksgiving will be hard because I am so used to you coming and spending the week with me and having Thanksgiving here. I know you are with me and you have brought me up to be a strong person which sometimes is easier said than done. We are struggling with losing you but are contininuing our lives with you in our thoughts always. The family has grown close and whenever we go home to visit I try and spend as much time with dad, Jackie, Raylene and their families. We have all struggled throughout this but are carrying on. I love and miss you dearly mom. You were a great inspiration to me as my mother and that is something I hope to pass on to my girls as their mother. Close
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